Day 45

Well, yeah, I've been slack this week, but yesterday I did eat pretty well, so I can't get down on myself for that. Although, I probably could stand to remember lunch more often! I do sometimes forget to eat lunch at all, and if I'm snackish just eat a couple of dates. Of course, people think more of calorie consumption than they should. One of the proven ways of extending life in the animal kingdom is calorie restriction, so having a "high metabolism" and being able to burn off lots of food isn't always the way to go!

I also didn't get to bed early last night, as I was too busy "discussing" stuff with my husband online (for that you may as well read arguing). In the end I didn't get the laundry or dishes done until late, which kept me up. It was still a little earlier than it has been, but definitely not early enough. On the upside, I do tend to fall asleep quite easily lately, and I'm not feeling too tired now. I am preparing to go out for my ride, because I can't keep missing it! I also need to write at least one article today. I will also do some more focus on my novel, and try and get a little housework done. I have borrowed my sister's steam cleaner for the floors, so I want to get them clean. The laundry is also bothering me, so I need to get stuck into it a bit. I need to clean my daughter's room too, cause her birthday party is Saturday. At least if it is relatively tidy I will be happy with it. I need to get her to get stuck into it a bit, and I want the boys' room tidy too.

One thing I'm not happy with this past term (yeah, as a mum I still think in "terms" haha) is that I didn't get the house sorted out or tidied to the standard I wanted. I didn't expect perfection yet, but I did want to be further along the journey. However, I stalled along the way. No, I don't like housework, but I don't like it even more when I'm living in a messy, untidy environment. It is a goal this year to get that sorted out once and for all. It's not the only thing I have to sort out, but it is sort of major ;)

My writing is probably the MOST major, just because it's my career and I need to earn an income ;) Of course, there's also my weight and health which is major as it impinges on a great deal of my life and affects how much and what I can do. It also affects my self esteem negatively, which makes it hard for me to participate in social things as I am often very self conscious about my size. I want to feel comfortable in my own skin!

Well, I took my "after" pictures to compare them to my "before" pictures. Quite honestly, while I see a bit of difference, I don't see a lot. Side on there's the most difference, because my tummy doesn't stick out as far and I just look narrower that way. The front on pic the biggest difference I can see is that my double chin has shrunk (YAY for that). Still, I don't look like I'd win a competition from the changes thus far ;) Nevertheless, I'm still happy with what's occurred. I will try and take a picture every six weeks or so and compare it to the last. I am wearing the same clothes too, so I will try and do that (they're not that revealing though... if I'd worn something tighter the change may have been more obvious). Well, looking at myself it's clear I'm still very much an overweight person. Of course, that's to be expected as I'm still 68kg and thus still obese (although very close to being just overweight and not obese). I need to get down to 56kg to be in the healthy weight category, and ideally lower than that (for me healthy weight is between 45kg and 56kg... so that's why I'm aiming for 50kg which is somewhere in the middle. From 50kg I can decide whether or not I need to lose more.

Anyway, I am not losing heart as I once may have done. Even though I doubt I'll be where I want to be by May 1st, I know I will lose the weight, because for 6 weeks I have been losing weight steadily. I have rarely, in that time, pigged out or ate badly. Even when I did eat junk food, for whatever reason, I was very moderate. Then, I went back to eating properly. I have been even better since going vegan, and I haven't eaten meat once since that time. I did eat some things that were vegetarian rather than vegan, but that wasn't much. Okay, the weight hasn't "fallen" off me as I hoped it would. But that's okay! It's going, and that's what counts!! After all, losing 500g to 1kg a week is a good rate. Even if I only manage 500g a week for the rest of the year, I'll still have lost about 17kg by the start of summer (December 1st), which will get me very close to my initial goal of 50kg. And hell, if I'm 51kg by summer I'll be feeling GOOD! Yeah, I won't be perfection, yeah, I'll have a way to go, but still for me that will be FANTASTIC as I haven't spent a summer at that weight in years and years. In fact, I can't remember the last summer I was that weight... probably the summer of 1994/1995 when I started going out with my husband. Well, I would have been 48kg or so then, BUT I put on something like 13kg that year! And even when I lost weight after having my third child, I still would have weighed more than 51kg that summer (and even then I was feeling pretty good). And 51kg compared to the 74kg I was last summer is FANTASTIC!

I still intend to put 200% effort in this April in the hopes that I can shed a good amount of weight, and at least not be quite so fat by my high school reunion, but I won't beat myself up about not getting to "healthy" weight. If I can get as low as 60kg I'll be absolutely rapt. I am hoping that with extra exercise and 100% raw food the weight will fall off a little faster. After April, I will probably not worry about speed as much as consistency.

This is the FIRST TIME ever I have been able to consistently lose weight for any length of time like this. Yes, I have lost weight before and gained it, but not as well as this. And that's the thing, when I was younger and not particularly overweight, I used to crash diet, but I never needed to do it for more than a couple of weeks, so I was always in the mentality of losing weight FAST and then going back to normal. Well, that's just not a reality for me anymore (and there is no more going back to "normal", there is just the new normal, which is eating properly). You can't lose an extra 24kg in a few weeks. It takes a long time and sustained effort.

So, how do I feel overall? Well pretty good. I did set my hopes higher than what I've achieved, but the fact that for the first time I've stuck with something... well that's great and I am very, very proud of myself for that!

Now, I just have to sort out my other crap and things will be even better ;) Most crucially I need to get my finances in order, and hopefully do so without having to get a JOB! I have nothing against working per se, I just don't want to work for anyone else in that sort of capacity again. At least, not if I can help it ;) I'll take a part time job I can do during the school day if I really need to, of course. But I'd rather work on my freelancing and my novel. Once I get a novel accepted, and hopefully an advance, I'll just stick at that!

Yes, have to be positive and say it that way! No room for negativity ;) Of course it could take me awhile. However, I have high hopes for my new novel, and if I put the right sort of effort and committment into it that it needs, it should be a good book!